You've likely heard or read the phrase "HR is NOT your friend" in conversations across LinkedIn, Reddit, or in real life. I've said it, too. As time would align, I was inspired to write this post after seeing the statement pop across my LinkedIn feed after a mutual had responded to the post (see below).
At the time of this post, the comments on this post has nearly doubled. Not surprisingly, this sentiment comes up in discussions about workplace fairness, employee grievances, and how certain employees feel disillusioned with their organization. Now, this sentiment isn't new (at all), but it raises important questions: Why do people feel this way? Why is HR, in particular, singled out in these conversations? And what should be done to address the underlying issues that drives that particular sentiment?
The Origins of "HR Is Not Your Friend"
When employees say "HR is not your friend," it's rarely said in jest. It's not a flippant remark (please don't treat it as such), but one that often comes from a place of pain, betrayal, or frustration. In many cases from my experience, folks who express this sentiment have experienced situations where they felt let down by their HR department. Whether it's in handling harassment complaints, navigating toxic leadership, or dealing with conflicts that escalate beyond their control, employees often feel like HR isn't the advocate they believed it would be for them.
So why does HR get singled out?
This was the question asked in the post I'm referencing above, but it's far from unique. Many HR professionals and others ask this question, often comparing other typical business departments (Finance, Sales, Marketing) and how they evade the level of scrutiny and criticism.
Well, that part is simple: HR is a giant ball of conflicting interests where in one hand they are told to "protect the company's best interests" and on the other hand also told to "make sure you support the employee's well-being." Both missions don't always align and that causes friction and harm because when push comes to shove, HR will prioritize what the business wants (not necessarily what is considered fair.)
Yes, in theory, HR should be the department that protects employee well-being, promotes fairness, and ensures that policies are followed in a way that creates a healthy work environment. But in practice, HR’s role is often more complex, with a strong mandate to protect the company first and foremost. This inherent conflict—serving both the company and the employees—often creates mistrust when it becomes clear which side HR is aligned with in certain situations.
This is why HR organizations need to stop perpetuating narratives of "people-first", being a "family", or "trusted friend." If you aren't living those narratives, then, it's just spicy manipulation, and quite naturally, employees will feel betrayed.
Trauma and Betrayal: The Root of the Sentiment
One important thing to recognize is that the statement "HR is not your friend" often comes from a place of trauma. When I ask people why they feel this way, they don't just give surface-level answers. Their stories are often deeply personal, marked by disappointment and betrayal. As a Workplace Equity Consultant, I'm sadly filled with lots of horror stories from employees who had not-so-great experiences with HR when they said they needed them the most.
They tell stories like:
Harassment cases that go unresolved: Employees trust HR to address cases of workplace harassment, only to find out that the accused harasser remains in their position or receives a slap on the wrist. Meanwhile, the victim might be forced out, isolated, or made to feel like the problem. I'd be rich if I had a dollar for everytime I heard this story. And in one of my previous roles, I witnessed it happen firsthand when I reported a manager harrassing one of their team members. In disbelief, after all was said and (not done), the employee ended up leaving to save their mental health. To see it so close, and feel so helpless was one of the reasons I do the work I do now.
Toxic leaders protected by HR: When employees report toxic managers who create hostile work environments, they sometimes find that HR sides with the leadership. In many cases, HR might not have the authority to challenge an executive, or they might be pressured to maintain the status quo. This points more to a systemic issue within HR practices and also further solidifies that HR as a function is geared more towards the business than employees. If they don't have protocols to hold everyone in the company accountable, it's unlikely the HR org can help you once you reach the upper hierarchy of leadership.
Broken confidentiality: There are instances where employees confide sensitive information with HR, expecting support and discretion. Yet, they later discover that HR disclosed their complaints without proper investigation or, worse, took no action at all. In times of distress, trust and transparency is a first-aid kit. If something is "four walls," say it and mean it. If you will have to share, say that. And for all that's sacred, investigations need to circle back to the person who filed the complaint. Your silence translate as you doing nothing.
Marginalized Employees often do not trust HR for very valid reasons
Historically, because of rampant inequities in the workplace for those outside the dominant culture, HR has been at the center of poor experiences for many employees of historically marginalized identities. HR practices have long been shaped by dominant cultural norms, often white, male, heterosexual, and able-bodied. This has very much led to the establishment of workplace policies and standards that cater to this group while overlooking or marginalizing the needs and experiences of others. For example, recruiting methods that prioritize certain educational backgrounds (degree over experience or certificates), work experiences, or communication styles that favor the dominant group, perpetuates inequity.
So, when marginalized employees face discrimination, harassment, or exclusion, HR has been known to prioritize protecting the company from legal risk rather than ensuring justice and fairness for the harmed employee. So, the mistrust is valid. I can write a whole new blog post on this issue alone and why HR (even today) is struggling to prevent harm with marginalized employees (in and outside the HR discipline...cough, cough, SHRM removing 'equity' from its focus). I'll table that for later.
It’s not that people have it out for HR. It's that they feel let down by a system that, in their minds, was supposed to support and advocate for them but instead failed them. And champions of HR do no service by diminishing employees harmful experiences with those in its field.
We in DEI, which is also being highly scrutinized and criticized (both justly and unjustly), understand this is part of the work when you're in a people/identity-centered field of work. You don't get to separate yourself from the herd. You are the herd, as they say, one bad apple spoils the whole bunch. If you're a "good one", great—but you're among the rotten, so don't expect a medal. I sure don't.
Our colleagues behaving badly are to blame, not those who were harmed by them.
A Structural Issue: Why HR Often Fails Employees
Now, while it’s easy to vilify individual HR practitioners ,we also must recognize that HR teams are often constrained by organizational structures that make it difficult to prioritize employee needs. Two things can be true at once. In many organizations, HR departments lack the autonomy to make meaningful changes because they are beholden to executive leadership—CEOs, CFOs, and COOs—who have the final say in critical decisions, especially when those decisions involve upper management or operational practices.
A major structural issue within HR is its dual mandate: protecting the company from risk while promoting a positive workplace culture. These goals are often in conflict. For example, HR might be tasked with investigating harassment claims, but they also need to minimize liability for the company. As a result, their decisions can skew toward what is legally safe, not what is morally right. (Spoiler Alert: this is typically why HR & DEI bump heads—HR by design, is risk adverse, and will often lean on what's legal. And we know that what's legal isn't always fair. So in DEI, we work to strike that fine balance because contrary to popular belief, it can be done.)
Another factor is that HR teams are frequently under-resourced and under-empowered. Many companies view HR primarily as an administrative function—focused on payroll, compliance, and benefits management—rather than a strategic partner in shaping company culture. This limits HR’s ability to be an effective advocate for employees. Many HR teams like to position themselves as more of a strategic partner, but some don't have the resources and maturity to function as one. This is why I challenge companies in their employer branding and force them to come to terms on what's realistic for their HR team to own/become. Not every HR team is cut out to shape culture.
The Role of Executive Leadership
HR often finds itself caught between a rock and a hard place due to poor leadership from the C-suite. If the company’s leadership is resistant to change, holds outdated beliefs, or simply doesn’t prioritize employee well-being, HR’s hands are tied. Even if the HR team has highly skilled and compassionate professionals, they cannot implement meaningful change without buy-in from top leadership.
This is why we often see innovative HR leaders leave their roles out of frustration. They know what needs to be done but are prevented from making those changes because of executives who prefer to maintain the status quo.
Unfortunately, some HR professionals reinforce outdated, harmful practices. These are the HR practitioners who are overly focused on compliance at the expense of empathy and employee advocacy. They might uphold toxic cultural norms or dismiss employee complaints because they don’t see them as their responsibility.
DEI and HR: Why They're Often Separate
It’s worth noting that in many organizations, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) teams are intentionally structured outside of HR. There’s a reason for that: many HR departments have failed to implement truly inclusive practices. DEI efforts often require challenging deeply entrenched systems of power, which HR might be unwilling or unable to do if they’re operating under outdated models.
DEI teams are tasked with advocating for underrepresented employees and promoting fairness across the organization. These goals are sometimes in direct opposition to the traditional role of HR, which can be more focused on protecting the company than addressing systemic inequities. I see this friction all the time, but there are some equity-minded HR professionals growing in the field who have become far better allies and co-agitators than their predecessors. I've had the pleasure of truly calling them a partner in our positive workplace changes.
HR Needs to Reflect, Not Deflect
The defensiveness that arises from the phrase "HR is not your friend" highlights a much larger issue within HR. Instead of dismissing these claims, HR professionals and leaders should instead ask themselves:
Why does this statement provoke such a strong reaction?
What is it about our practices that cause people to feel this way?
How can we do better to support the employees we’re supposed to advocate for?
There are amazing HR professionals out there—people who genuinely care about improving workplace culture and advocating for employees. But even they acknowledge that the system needs work. HR must engage in self-reflection and look critically at its own practices.
Rather than flipping the conversation to blame employees for "not understanding" HR’s role, HR professionals should seek to understand why this sentiment persists and what structural changes are needed to rebuild trust.
Next Steps: HR’s Role in Fixing the System
To regain trust, HR can make several key shifts:
Push for structural change: HR professionals need to advocate for a seat at the executive table, not just as a compliance function, but as a strategic partner focused on employee experience. HR teams that are empowered to act independently from executive influence can become more effective in advocating for employees.
Prioritize transparency and communication: Employees often feel betrayed because they are kept in the dark about HR’s processes. Clear communication about investigations, outcomes, and the limitations of HR’s role can go a long way in managing expectations.
Promote ethical, employee-centric practices: Compliance is important, but it should not be the sole focus of HR. Building a strong, positive workplace culture where employees feel supported, safe, and valued should be at the core of every HR strategy.
Address biases within HR: Many HR practitioners unknowingly perpetuate biases in hiring, promotions, and discipline. HR teams should invest in continuous learning around DEI, unconscious bias, and inclusive practices.
Self-awareness and accountability: It’s time for HR to own its part in why this sentiment persists. HR must do better, and part of that involves acknowledging when and where it has failed employees.
Frankly, HR Needs to Get Its Act Together
The phrase "HR is not your friend" isn’t about HR-bashing; it’s a reflection of the real experiences of employees who feel let down by the system. HR needs to stop deflecting and start reflecting on how to address the legitimate concerns of the workforce.
Instead of defensiveness, HR must embrace this as an opportunity for self-improvement, focusing on creating an environment where employees feel heard, supported, and protected.
In a silver lining, I posted a very truncated comment to the OP stating what I mentioned in this blog post. I'm pleased to see it was well received. (See below).
I gotta tell you, seeking to understand works miles better than brute force, snarkiness, and shame and I'll take the Pepsi Challenge on that any day of the week.
But as I said in the LinkedIn comment, HR needs to get its act together, clean up its own backyard, and become the advocate employees need—not just the company’s compliance department. And if it don't apply to you and your HR team, let it fly. But let's remember there are close to a million of HR practitioners just in the US alone as of 2023—you can't possibly speak for everyone. If hearing "HR is not your friend," urks you, perhaps look inward to find out why that is. Hit dogs holler, as they say.
A lot of AMAZING HR folks who I know and personally work with knows that there are a lot of bad apples in their beloved field who are causing damage and they understand why people would feel this way about HR. They don’t take it personally, because they know they are not part of the problem. They don’t take offense, they get to work advocating for changes, and "collect their colleagues" in the field practicing HR poorly.
No, HR is not your friend. And, honestly they shouldn't claim to be, either.
Employees don't need a friend.
Instead, they need a partner in workplace fairness, working to change the systems, policies, and behaviors that make their work lives more difficult.
We all want to work in a fair and safe environment, let's help each other get there.
-Clo
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